The top. The tippy tip top. The highest peak. What does it look like? Is it a mountain top? Or is it a life goal achievement? Is it scary, unnerving, frustrating, or maybe awesome and unspeakable? How many do we get in a life time…one…two…or none? Are there moments of exhilaration upon arrival?
When you get “old like me” (I’ve always wanted to say that), loads of time is spent reflecting. Especially when wrestling with traumatic incidents. Thoughts of “what was my role”, or “what was wrong with me” float in and out of the mind. Other times just pondering the moments of life gone by. Each held and felt and touched like an expensive strand of pearls.
Grasping for wisdom becomes the waking prayer and the final sigh at night. I need it now. The cliff that seemed so big is now bigger. It is surely death to jump. So I began navigating another route down this mountain. This peak was not fun. It was not excessively impressive. It was just a plateau. One that left me in a strange state.
Where do I go from here? I look through the Word of God. I go to the stories of the Old Testament. Each character had moments like this. Large choices were made. King David stood on the balcony, at the peak of his reign, and made a choice. Gideon when faced with an army many times bigger then his, made a choice and sent half his men home. One man sinned and changed the path of life for many and caused death, the other won a most impressive battle that gave many people a safe and prosperous life.
I stand on this plateau and with each passing day, I know that first of all, I am not a king nor am I a commanding soldier. So if I make the wrong choice, I know only forgiveness. People will think I have totally lost my mind, one more time. But, here goes…one more time…stepping out in more faith..into an unknown future. I will follow God, to the best of my abilities, no matter what. This path is different then the others that brought me here. I will continue to pray..I will hold each of the memories as a cherished expensive pearl, bathed in the tears of a daughter who whispers …”I trust You God to guide me every step, every thought, every action”…even at the very bottom of the cliff.
Psalm 31:19 Oh how great is thy goodness, which thou hast laid up for them that fear thee; which thou hast wrought for them that trust in thee before the sons of men!