Whisper of another voice.

October seems to be one of the most favored months of the year. Full of pumpkin spice, cool weather and fun colors. Even new old clothes we haven’t seen in 4-5 months. It used to be my favorite, next to December. Not so much this year. It has been too wet to much outside and so far the whispers have been too loud.

Grief is such that I just never ever know when it will reach out and grab me by the throat and throw me down, or throw up all over me. I hate this part. Life was just chugging along. Keep my head down, keep praying and worshiping, working, paying my bills and wham. Everything goes hay wire.

Emotions run a muck…tears flow unchecked and unable to stop. The pain becomes so visceral. I can’t see the future. I can’t even see through to tomorrow. The pillow is saturated in the leak from the eyes and heart.

I want to be effective to those around me. I can’t seem to do that right. Whatever goes on, I always bring it to God in conversations. I know He hears and I know, in faith, He is working my future for me. This is where It gets real….I hate waiting. Oh, I can wait a bit. But wait a long time…nope..not me..I get too impatient. So I go back to the conversation with God and I throw a rant out. And one more time I am reminded – God takes care of the birds and dresses the flowers and paints the sky. He is working my future through His vision, not mine. I am a servant who only wants to obey. So one more time…I am sorry. I am sorry for causing pain in others, I am sorry for being selfish, I am sorry for being impatient..teach me how to wait..teach me how to move in You Jesus.

Author: thewidowwomanblog

I am a 53 year old widow who is watching her kids step out into life while holding tight to the Creator's hand.

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