He Whispers,

I wonder if the whispers from the corner every go away. I mean, those voices that always seem to have something to say. The ones that cast, fling, propel horrible words at us on a continual basis. I have written about them in the past, feel free to go back a few articles and read them.

I tend to literally stamp them with all assurances that the whispers heard are not beneficial to my mental health. Maybe from too many murder mysteries I have read, I don’t know. I picture a very dark shadow that follows me everywhere…sitting in the corner of every room. Just sitting there, while I know, that the shadow knows all about me, and the silent accusations are whispered loudly. The repetitive nature of the words, grow weary.

Some days, I am in better moods and can almost laugh at that shadow. Who does he think I am? I know he can not accused me of anything. I can quote Bible scriptures. I am a child of God. “HA HA, look at that stupid shadow.” I feel strong, I feel confident that all is well. God is doing amazing things. Prayers are answered, Life is good. Oh those days, I can hear my Savior whispering wonderful things to me. The Angels in the corners all sing praises and drown out the visuals of the shadow.

Oh how I love days like that. Surely God wants us all to live in a place like that! Rejoice, Rejoice, Rejoice, My savior has redeemed me. The bright sunshine of my Savior fills every corner. He shows His love over my life by brining the music, the joy, the contentment of life. What power there is to see this in action.

The moment I turn my focus over to the small, derelict shadow in the corner, I begin to focus on the pain of loss. The pain of rejection and hopelessness. The shame of sin and loss overwhelms me. The shriveled shadow begins to gain strength. Begins to whisper louder, more aggressively.

Let me stop here…as I refuse to give so much credence to the shadow. We all have these internal struggles. Since losing the one man who loved me, who was my soul mate, who could speak to my heart and see me for who I am, I struggle to hear. I am struggling to find my purpose…to keep forging ahead. I have the craziest conversations with God. I want to go wherever He leads, but my fear this week — yes my fear — is —- Am I Missing God? I want to chase God so hard, so passionately, that I won’t miss Him…but the fear, yeah that is all to real, and feels like the shadow in the corner.

God has promised so much to me. I am working on the “perfect” love. I know I was a great wife and mother…but do I know “perfect” love? Surely I am on the quest for finding PERFECT love with my Savior, as I know that this love, this perfect love, will forever banish fear. For now– I trust in the reality of my choices. I am moving — God is with me. I am changing — God is with me. I am studying — God is with me !! Let me dance with the angels — Sing in the choir of joy over my Savior!! Let me shout through the grief of loss — God is with me!!

Author: thewidowwomanblog

I am a 53 year old widow who is watching her kids step out into life while holding tight to the Creator's hand.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: