Why do I cry? My late husband was an amazing man in that he never complained or was uncomfortable when I cried. Most of the time he cried right along with me. He knew that tears were proof of my soul resting on my face. Pain, joy, frustration, laid out in rivulets portrayed for all to see.
Since his death, now four years ago this June 27th, tears have been my companion. I still lay at night and cry. I still morn the life dream that will now never be. I am most likely to cry over the smallest of things. I have become an extremely emotional person. I feel other people’s emotions so very strongly. It astounds me each and every time this happens.
Tears are a language that God understands. I only pray that when I meet the right guy (and I am confident I will) he will be just as patient and just as kind. I can not settle for less. God has given me this ability and I know He will use it for His kingdom.
What a treasure to feel. How Christ must have felt for me, when He prayed in the garden? Is the love for me what changed Him from “my will be done” to “Thy will be done”. How much he felt as He hung on the cross, suffering for me? How much He has changed me to love those around me. To see the hurt and to feel that pain.
I won’t use tears as a tool. I know some women have. I refuse to be like that. I cry when feelings run deep. A river is not quiet. It rolls over the rocks and makes a beautiful sounds. I want God’s Spirit to roll over the rocks of my life and make a noise.
In a moment. In a heartbeat my life changed. My heart changed. My theology was challenged. I can still stand with tears of joy, tears of anger, tears of frustration, tears of hurt, tears of grief, and know Who loves me more. My redeemer. he has promised to wipe my tears away. He has promised a comforter to be with me. I am so thankful to the Holy Spirit!! I have enjoyed the presence of the Holy Spirit. He nudges me to spend time talking in my prayer language. To edify my spirit with this language. An old mentor of mine recently challenged me to pursue the Holy Spirit like never before. I am doing my best to answer that call.
Spending time with God — The rewards — priceless!! — Eternal!!