I stood on a cliff. This cliff seems so tall. So giant. So magnificent. So terrifying. The whisper that I hear is that I can’t do what is asked of me. As of about 15 minutes ago, I have been shaking inside. Vibrating. Flat out praying. On my face interceding. The minutes…hours…building up to this, I walked and prayed all after noon. I am boldly stepping out there. It is done. This major, incredible beginning step. My $200 deposit for school is in. Paid for.
If you have been reading all of these blogs, I thank you, and I wonder why. What is it that speaks to you? My failures? My tears? My loss? I hope that somewhere in this blog, the quiet whispers of God are calling to you. Reaching out through words and touching you. Because of God I have to take this step. i step out for one reason. 30 years ago I stood up and said I wanted God to direct my path. I stood up saying that I would do all that I could to be a whisper to those around me to point the way to heaven.
June 27 2014 around 7:30pm my world..my life..my dreams..my everything shifted. I realized in those moments, I had to let myself accept, that the only person in this world who loved me and accepted me for who I was, was now in heaven and no longer here with me. I do walk this road, this future, this life alone. For now. I have been to the bottom. I have no choice but start again. The thing is, this is not what I have to remind myself of. This walk is not alone inside me. I have the Holy Spirit, I have the presence of God, I have Jesus. Walking with me. Guiding me. Showing me how to love. How to sacrifice. How to work at being in Gods presence, not my selfish needs.
When a team begins to falter, or lose sight of the prize, a good coach helps the team by taking them back to the beginning. My Coach has been doing that with me for 6 years now. My hope is build on the faithfulness of Christ. My future stems off of the True Vine, i am but branches. I must bear fruit. The burden to be anything but a voice of hope for my Creator is strong. So very strong. I can not walk away. I walk forward, I expect my Way-maker, Miracle-Worker, Promise-Keeper will be opening amazing doors in the few months ahead.