Whispers in the Quiet

It has been quiet here for awhile. Since the move in, that is. Spring turned into a very hot summer. Having a few weeks with nothing to do was good for me. I recovered from the pneumonia, and spent days walking and praying. The summer heat forced me inside with no air-conditioning. Rosie, (my 3 legged wonder) and I sweated it out. I am a bit unsettled as to how hot August will be, as usually that is the hottest time of the year. Maybe God will show mercy on me.

I am so glad that those days were spent in prayer. I say that because I did finally get a job. I signed on with a temp service that specializes in Accounting. They called me and a church needed immediate help so I went. God knew what He was doing. I am so thankful for the learning that God takes us through. I was able to not only bring professionalism with me, but an amazingly calm and Godly attitude into the position. They have already asked me to become a permanent part of their staff. I pray daily that God guides and uses me for His workmanship. Not my own.

So many times I wanted to purposely fail. To sabotage my own progress. Yes I know that is shocking. I was told in no uncertain terms that I was not worth saving. I got that message loud and clear. This huge “mistake” of my life has taught me how much God loves and cares for me, and that it is ok to take time to work on me. To become what I need to be. I know that God has surrounded me with heavenly Angels, watching over me.

I never dreamed this is where I would be 5 years after his death. I celebrated this year with a dear friend and telling my story out loud. In detail. I cried over the tomb. I was broken in half. Tears can not turn back time. They are in no way a comfort to me. However, they are a language that God understands and angels wipe away. I constantly ask myself – Am I doing the right thing? Am I leading and guiding our kids in the right way?

The answers always take me to Gods words. If you want to be great in Gods kingdom, be the servant of all. Teaching them the true servanthood, giving to God- for God -with God, then you will find God. He will lead them into all truth.

Do I want to be a better person? What does that even mean? Sure we can love others more, do more things for people, but what does it mean? To me, it means studying the character of Jesus. To bring balance into my life. Steady on. Focused on the kingdom of God. Maybe my next writing I can get into what these terms mean. For now…it means not looking at my circumstances, but looking to the heavenly emphasis.

I forgive easily. To those that have hurt me – I FORGIVE YOU! What I have a hard time doing is forgetting. With hurt this bad, I wont initiate. I tried and was forced away. So, I forgive from a distance. Until God changes the heart. I will Continue to build my future not here on earth, but in heaven. God is merciful, He is kind, He is full of everything good! I will move forward.