Whispers of the Mountain

There are days I do not want to do anything. I do not want to move, get out of bed, go to work, clean, shower. The basic things of life. I just want to stay. I know this is the depression chasing me. It feels like this huge monster that wants to devour me. The faster I go away from it, the faster I feel it catching me. So I want to stop. Even when I know the dangers of stopping. So I keep going. Doing. Being.

I fight combatively to hear the voice of my Savior at this time. I force my hands up in worship. I throw my voice to the wind screaming for someone, anyone to hear me as I cover it up as prayer. I push violently away the things I think are pulling me away from God. Yet, I cling to my pillow and silently cry. I hide from friends, the few I do have, and force the smile that tells the world “I’m ok”, yet hoping they don’t see beyond.

I know from past experience that this mountain will be overcome. The height of it is only in perspective. The seasoned mountain climber knows the hardest part of the mountain is the top. The bottom is gradual. It rises and then planes out, then spikes up and across. The top, well that is the sharpest, the steepest, the toughest. The climber reaches deep and knows that victory is ahead – it is achievable- the motivation to finish is strong and overwhelming.

This mountain has streams and lakes. Oasis, I call them. Short times where I can refresh the soul. To rest the body. But I can’t stay here. The slope of the mountain is waiting for me. One more time.

Genesis 13:7 Rise up and walk through the land, in the length of it and in the breadth of it, for I will give it to you.

God’s blessing come when we have an action to something. Faith is the vehicle in which dreams are fulfilled. The conveyer of success is brought by faith. “The substance of things HOPED for. The evidence of the not seen. (Hebrews 11:1) – my own paraphrasing. Get up- Do IT-Make the move – Don’t stop searching – Don’t stop trying !!

Matthew 17:20  And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you.

Jesus gave us this verse because of our unbelief. Our doubt  our insecurities – our habit of quitting.  He gave us something that will overcome the mountain instead of the mountain overcoming us.

I am a seasoned mountain climber. No you won’t see me out on an actual mountain. But life has taught me how to be a seasoned climber of the mountains of time. This is just one more mountain. Can I give the mountain the mustard seed of faith? Oh yes, this mountain is no bigger, no more scary then the ones before it. God hears every scream, every cry.

Mountain – I will conquer you. I will surpass the summit. I will stand at the top and know that the victory was not mine, But God’s. That the memorial I place will be one that shows the glory of God and His infinite love.