This week has been super busy. I left my beloved and only daughter at a University 12 hours away. She is an amazing person and strong in so many areas. I know she is in good hands and has many friends near by that will help if called on. She is also mightily covered in prayers with Angels protecting and helping her.
With that done and over the whispers have flooded in. Am I doing the right thing, allowing her to go? Like I could stop her..really? She has her heart and mind set on a course that has taken her this way. I can’t change it. My daughter was not really good company this summer. Part of me is glad she is off being and doing.
It was a strange summer for all of us. It was the first summer in four years we have not moved houses or crossed state lines. We are trying to figure out how to just live and live with just each other. We are certainly not a full unit. Each are finding their own way, together is too painful sometimes. There is always an empty seat.
Whispers of questions are the hardest to hear. I have no response when they are screaming at me. I begin to doubt everything. Even the core ones of what am I doing living here? Can I move again? If so where? Do I really want to move back to Minnesota…the list can get rolling quickly.
I listen to worship music when things get noisy. Worship keeps me focused on God. His goals, His purpose. I think I have to redirect my actions and efforts of late. When the whispers of many questions begin to roll, I tend to become lazy. When I have had enough, I begin to talk out loud. I outline the next few days activities. I always have weeds in my garden and a house to de clutter. So I focus on my worship music and my work. Feelings like this are common with grief.
Those whispers, they can suck the life out of anyone if given a chance. I don’t want to give them more then necessary. I have to counter those whispers with whispers of Gods love. Even if that is all I say “God loves me” over and over.
God is with me. He always-somehow- takes care of things. Even when the whispers come. I won’t stop, I can’t stop. Heaven is real. I have faced it myself. I have a goal to attend to.
Whispers, oh yeah…I hear you God. I hear the Angels…right here….